Effects of domestic violence on our children

Warning signs

Long term effects

How Can We Help?

Useful Contacts

Domestic violence can affect children physically, psychologically, emotionally and socially. Remember every child is different and may show some or none of the behaviours listed below:

• Bedwetting, stomach aches, headaches
• Sleep disturbances, nightmares
• Depression, feelings of helplessness & powerlessness
• Poor personal hygiene
• Tired and lethargic
• Desensitisation to pain
• Regression in development tasks i.e. thumb sucking
• Aggression - out of control behaviour
• Difficulty in trusting, especially adults
• Overachiever or underachiever
• Holding themselves responsible for the abuse and feeling guilty

Warning signs

The following behaviours in children may indicate that they are living with domestic violence:-

• Refusal or reluctance to discuss their own or parents injuries
• Withdrawal from physical contact and fear of carers or being humiliated
• Show's fear of returning home/leaving home or may run away
• Self harming tendencies or aggression towards others
• Lack of social relationships and friendships
• Sudden speech disorders or changes of demeanour
• Caretaking (parent substitute for younger siblings), more concerned for others than self
• Neurotic behaviour i.e. hair twisting, rocking

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Long term effects

Children who have witnessed violence are not more likely to become either abusers or victims themselves. However domestic violence and abuse is learned behaviour and they may suffer from the following long term effects;

• They may grow up feeling anxious and depressed or find it difficult to get on with other people.
• They may learn that violence is inevitable and may "put up" with it in their future relationships, or learn to use violence and abuse themselves to get their own way or control others.
• Both boys and girls may develop a mistrust of males and negative attitudes towards relationships or marriage.
• They may be unable to ask for what they need or want, or to express their emotions.

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How Can We Help?

Ways you can help a child who has witnessed domestic violence include:

• Explain things in language that children can understand
• Tell them the violence is not their fault
• Be supportive and encourage the children to talk, in a safe environment
• Let them know that others have had similar experiences, they are not alone
• Find them someone outside the family with whom they can share their feelings
• Provide adequate help and support for vulnerable families
• Work with children to overcome negative experiences
• Influence and educate the next generation to regard violence as wrong and unacceptable.
• Professionals working with children, including doctors, nurses, teachers, social workers etc should know where to get help and advice locally.

Useful contacts

Family Welfare Association Domestic Abuse project - Children and Families workers (funded by Suffolk Children's Fund)

• Ipswich and Suffolk Coastal 07966 982612
• Lowestoft and Waveney 07967 272332
• West Suffolk (Gt Cornard) 07966 982611

Childline 0800 1111

For further information see directory of services

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