Myths around domestic violence -

Some questions answered:

Myth: Domestic violence is about couples getting into a brawl on Saturday night, beating each other up and disrupting the neighbourhood.

Fact: In domestic assaults one partner is beating, intimidating and terrorizing the other. It is one person dominating and controlling the other.

Myth: Domestic violence is usually a one-time event, an isolated incident.

Fact: Abuse against a partner is an ongoing pattern of behaviour. It may get worse and more frequent over a period of time. There may also be a 'honeymoon phase' or a time of remorse, before the tension builds again and another crisis points is reached.

Myth: When there is violence in the family, all members are participating in the dynamic and, therefore, all must change for the violence to stop.

Fact: Only the perpetrator has the ability to stop the violence. Abuse is a behavioural choice. Changes in family members' behaviour will not cause or influence the abuser to be non-violent.

Myth: Only children directly experiencing violence are harmed by growing up in an abusive household.

Fact: Children regardless of whether they have experienced abuse directly, are affected by violence in the home. Children who witness or fear abuse display the same emotional responses as children who have been physically and emotionally abused.

Myth: Victims provoke their abusers or 'know the buttons to push'.

Fact: Abusers become violent for internal reasons which are not due to any particular action the victim takes or has taken. Abusers choose to behave in this way.

Myth: Once an abuser always an abuser.

Fact: " Abusive behaviour " is learned behaviour that can be unlearned. However behavioural changes require intervention - it is unlikely an abuser can change by sheer willpower.

Myth: Isn't domestic violence just all about hitting? Surely emotional abuse isn't that bad.

Fact: People who have been abused in several ways often say that it was the emotional abuse that had the biggest effect on them. Being constantly undermined, criticized and humiliated can turn a confident person into someone who is nervous and anxious.

Myth: Abused women can always just leave.

Fact: There are many factors restraining women from leaving violent relationships these include: Economic dependence, staying because of the children, fear of reprisals, lack of knowledge and access to help, social isolation, emotional dependence, and shame.

If you suspect a person you care about is being abused, you can help. Although all cases are different your offer of help could make the difference to someone living in an abusive situation.

Please see What to do now?